Tartar Sauce
What is Tartar sauce? I don't know. It is white though which reminds me of mayonaise, and for those of you who don't know me intimately- I despise mayonaise. I think it is the only thing that I really cannot eat. My hatred for it has been so extreme that it wasn't until I was in my late teens that I started to eat cream cheese and tolerate blue cheese dressing. I still don't like Ranch dressing or creamy Italian because they remind me of Mayonaise. Anyway, to please my husband we are having fried fish tonight with oven fries and coleslaw and because he is the condiment lover that he is, it will not be a complete meal without tartar sauce. Therefore when nap is over the children and I are going to Wegmans. We could use a walk anyway, it is sunny out thankfully! Today I bought a dress which I will most likely wear to Janice's wedding. It is very pretty, mint green- like my favorite ice cream. I think it is pretty. I can't call it sexy because it is mint green. Do you think you can look sexy in mint green? Not that I need to look sexy. Josh is DJing so I will be dancing alone (Bummer). I was very excited to marry Josh because I would always have someone to dance with at weddings. He says that he will admire me from behind the DJ table though.
Friday afternoon
Tonight I am going to a young adults meeting as moral support for a friend. She's a new believer and I love her. New believers are so refreshing because they are so freshly thankful for Jesus. I found tap shoes for Emma at Salvation Army for $1. There have been no accidents today!!!! Emma colored her feet blue with marker, but it is washable.Josiah stuck his hand in the potty.
pictures
Here are some recent family happenings. Josiah and Baby Kate, The kids with their cousins Tristen and Drew, Emma exhibiting birthday presents.
nostolgia
Hanging above my computer are two pictures of Josh and I taken on our honeymoon just over three years ago. We look so young and fresh and in love. Not that we aren't young, fresh and in love now, just a little more sleep deprived perhaps. Janice Ebel's wedding is a week from Saturday and I am so excited for her. I love weddings. I'm especially excited because I've been blessed to watch some of their relationship. It is so wonderful to watch two people commit their lives to each other. Sometimes I miss being the bride though. Now I'm the mom. I was realizing the other day that I now have everything I wanted out of life. My dream was to be a wife and mother. I don't mean to complain about where I am, I have the best husband that ever was (no offense to the rest of you ladies) and my children are adorable, smart and "spirited." I am satisfied with my life and I know that I will do other things besides this down the road. I hope to teach again someday, I think we'll have more children in a few years, I imagine we'll go back overseas too. It strikes me now though that I was unwise to have wasted some of my single years dreaming about my married years. Ofcourse when you are single you don't realize what a blessing it is to be responsible for only yourself, but believe me it is a unique and wonderful period in your life. I am thankful that God led me to go to Haiti alone. I felt at the time that it would be a life shaping experience and it was. I'm thankful that I will have that experience to share with my Emma when she is older. I guess my thesis is be thankful for where you are. Last week I would have laughed or cried at those word with a somewhat bitter spirit because Emma's naughtiness was getting me down. It's hard sometimes when older people say to me "Enjoy these years because they'll be gone before you know it," just like it was hard when I was single to hear people say "enjoy being single, before you know it the time will be gone." It's true though, we all know in our hearts that it's true. I asked my mom the other day if she missed having kids at home and she said, "well, I miss you, but I have other things I do now." There are so many phases of life and so many ways to serve the Lord in them that we would be fools to waste our time living in the past or the future. So thank you Lord for my kiddos, thank you that although I'm not a bride anymore I'm still my husband's crown. Help me to make the most of this time.
Also to the xanga people (Lori and Brietta) I'm reading your sites, but I can't comment. Just know that I'm thinking of you both and am blessed to keep up with your lives. Brietta, I am coming up in early May and we should get together at Jackie's for a play date. Jackie, I'm totally inviting people to your house, but I love you and I'll bring food:)
finally back online
It has been so long since I posted! My mom and Chuck were here for several days and my kids have been keeping me up nights too. I think that I need more sleep than the average person! Why is it that our kids never seem as tired as we are? We had a wonderful visit with Mom and Chuck, they spoiled us beyond repair. They bought new clothes and toys for the kids, a second pack-n play and lots of groceries. Mostly though they entertained the kids and cleaned the house and I had some down time. It was so fabulous. I had several uninterupted quiet times, I went grocery shopping and clothing shopping, I took naps and I just realized that I haven't done any laundry or dishes since Friday. I miss mom! Chuck also brought a little table and chairs set for the kids that they found at a garage sale and he painted them primary colors. Emma is very excited. She has been behaving better, or else I'm just not so on edge now. I've been praying that the Lord would help me to know her love language and communicate with her effectively. Some people had said maybe she was pooping in bed because she wanted more attention and felt Josiah was getting it all. I think Josiah is in more danger of not getting enough attention, but he is a layed back little man and Emma is her father's daughter. I can see her lighting up a stage somewhere with dancing and wild theatrics! Josiah thinks that now that he's crawling and has four teeth he's twelve. He is urgently trying to stand up and always wants people to put him in a standing position so he can grab anything. Also today I was eating a rice krispie treat in front of him and he was so mad! He was actually resentful(you really can tell by the cry and facial expression) that I would offer him cherrios! The greatest part of the weekend was that Laura Ebel and I prayed deliverence for my mom and it was awesome! She really felt released from some things in her past and some generational bondages. I was so blessed to be part of it and even though I have already had deliverance prayer for myself, being with my mom was like a new level of freedom for me. I love her so much. I hope everyone had a happy easter!
I love Blogging!
Hello again friends! I have been away from my blog for many days because Josiah is cutting three teeth at once and none of us are allowed to sleep until they're through. Poor little guy, he is so upset and clingy. Aside from the news of his teeth his other big news is that he started crawling! Look out! It is so crazy, he comes to get me when he wants me now. Before I continue I want to thank everyone for the ideas about playing with Emma, it was so wonderful. I really hadn't thought before about teaching a child to pretend. I guess I thought they would do it naturally, but now I see that she copies my pretending. It's cool because even though I did show her some without really thinking about it, now I can be more strategic in teaching her how to play. I put together a dress up bag for her with a bunch of jewlery and sunglasses from the salvation Army. She loves it. IN other news; due to much prayer and the reinstatement of the mini M&M reward, Emma is doing much better with the potty. I am thankful because with the lack of sleep we've been having potty issues become very large and frustrating.
Here is something exciting- a new family has started coming to our church and they have five children. The newest one is two days old because she had him after church on Sunday. I am thankful that Emma can have some little church friends. I am right now organizing a meal schedual for her. Meals is my job at church and I love it. I am realizing that it is the perfect role for me. I love making scheduals and food! I am looking forward to Easter this year because my mom and Chuck are coming or an extra long weekend which means help and free babysitting along with just being with them which is also nice:) And we are having a couple we know over for Easter dinner who don't know the Lord so I hope that we can share Christ with them. I got one of those Easter egg kits that open with little symbols of the easter story to tell the story with. It should be good. The only concern I have is Easter dinner. Last year mom and I made a big meal and it was alot of work. I'm trying to figure out how to make it less stressful for all since we have church in the morning and guests coming. I would love to know how all of you experienced hostesses handle this situation.
Thursday
I am feeling pretty good right now because my kids are asleep, my house is picked up and I just watched survivor. I am disapointed that Danielle and Bruce didn't go with Terry and Sally though. Does anyone else feel a secret shame that they watch these silly shows like survivor and the apprentice and american idol? Sometimes I'm emmbarrassed to admit that I watch survivor. I don't know why, it isn't evil or anything, just silly. This afternoon I felt like I was going a little stir crazy and I needed to get away from my little darlings. It is difficult when I feel that way because I don't know who to call so I can run out for an hour. Sometimes I dream that someone(I know and trust) would show up at my door and say, "I just felt that you needed some time off, go out for a while and I'll watch the kids!" But anyway, I finally decided that it was worth six dollars to get out of here for a while and I called a former student of mine to come watch the kids for an hour. If you don't have kids than I can't make you understand what it means to leave your house with no diaper bag or children. It takes 2 minutes to get out the door instead of twenty. I went shopping at goodwill. It was wonderful and I found a Winnie the Pooh blanket for Emma and a nice copy of Little Men which I highly recommend if you haven't read it. I can't wait until my kids are older and we can read those books together. I want to play Mrs. Shakespear-smith with Emma. Tomorrow Josh is playing a gig in Geneva and the kids and I are going to Oneida to visit my Aunt Linda (Marcia's sister). I'm looking forward to it because Emma will have a playmate all day who is older and bigger and therefore I won't have to protect said playmate from her exuberance. Poor baby Kate struggled with Emma's enthusiasm for her today. I have two poll questions I would like to ask tonight if it isn't too personal. (If it is than ignore me please) The first is how much does your family spend on groceries per month? My budget says $250, but I spend more like $275. I feel like it keeps going up and up, and my kids keep eating more and more. It's shocking how much milk and cheese and fruit we go through around here. The second is how much TV do your kids watch. I am afraid to admit that mine watch at least 1 hour of videos each day. They don't watch regular TV because we only get three channels. I find that it is hard to fill a whole day with a toddler without it. If anyone has ideas for activities for two year olds pass them along.
frustration
There is something about a two year old covered in poop that challenges all of your spiritual thoughts for the day. Last week I was about to pronounce her potty trained, but this week is like a never ending flood of... well you know. Today's second episode was the one that did me in. We were sitting at dinner (Josh wasn't here) and I just wanted to enjoy my meal. It was a most unwelcome interuption. Anyway, more than the actual mess, what frustrates me is how angry I feel. Does anyone else ever feel like they are literally boiling over? I need a time out more than Emma does. Anyway, she is cute and I'm thankful for her.
Things I liked about today:
Emma and I snuggled and watched Bear in the big blue house and she put her arms around my neck and kissed me.
eating strawberries (on sale at Wegmans, 2 for $3)
eating avacados
We went to Josh's work and saw him for lunch
I watched Fever Pitch (I like that movie, Drew Barimore is so cute)
So many of my thanks are for food:)
Attack and Exhortation
Dad and Marcia were here with us for part of the weekend. I was so thankful to have some help. I must confess that I am envious of people who have parents nearby when they are raising small children. I am so thankful for the Ebels, and Matt and Marion have moved to Rochester as well, but in the end it is easier to lean on family than anyone else. Josh and I went to Home Depot and grocery shopping by ourselves on Saturday morning and it was so wonderful.
One of the things that has been on my mind recently is spiritual attack. In my own family it has been Josh having migrains and breaking guitar strings during worship. He hasn't been feeling well and it is hard for him to press through and lead the church in worship. Last Sunday he broke a string for the second time and had to lead worship accappella. During the sermon he ran home for another guitar and then when he was closing the service the migrain came on and his arm began to feel numb so he couldn't play right. It has been discouraging for him. I have realized that one part of my personality is that I am passive. I hate conflict and when anyone comes against me my natural reaction is to cow myself in a corner and feel sorry for myself, or else try to appease the person. I can't have this attitude when Satan is attacking my family. It is so hard to fight though, I am so tired and I would rather feed and console my flesh than stand up and combat the enemy. The Lord is showing me to stop being so weak and tired, I have to stand up and fight for my family. So I decided to fast Sunday mornings until church is over for protection for Josh as he's leading worship. This morning was the first Sunday and the Lord blessed it. I'm thankful to say that worship was annointed and my husband felt supported spiritually. Fasting is one of the strong weapons we have to fight the enemy. I must say that I hate to fast. I love to eat. I have a high metabolism and I'm nursing. But there are ways that I can fast and press in to the Lord. When we fast and pray we unleash the power of the Holy Spirit in a stronger way to open our eyes to what is happening in the Spirit. We can see where we are yielding to the enemy instead of God, we can draw nearer to his heart without the distraction of our flesh, we are in essense mortifying our flesh so that our spirit can become more alive. Let's all take advantage of this weapon of warfare.
The other thing that I have been thinking of is (again) people who are not hooked into a church body in a complete way. Josh and I are very close right now with several people in this situation. The thought I keep coming to is that if you know the Lord then you have the Holy Spirit living inside you and therefore you have the ability through His strength to do what is right. The reason we still sin is because we choose to do what is wrong. I have been thinking we can choose to involve ourselves in a church body or we can choose not to. We can choose to build relationships or we can choose not to. It is frustrating to me because I love these people and I want what is best for them, but there is only so much I can do, they must choose to come into fellowship. I don't mean at all that they don't love the Lord or that they won't go to Heaven, but I do think that they are forfieting a good deal of the abundant life Christ came to give them. It makes me sad. I thought of an idea. What if those of us who are feeling lonely in the church or unconnected just walked up to a godly woman in the church, swallowed our pride and fear and said- "Hey, I admire you, would you mind if I came and visited you some time and tried to learn from you how to be a more Christ like woman?" It's true she might say no, but if she doesn't you are on your way to a real relationship that could profoundly affect your spiritual walk. The question is do we want to grow, do we want to expand our outlook? I say YES! I hope you do too!
In close, a poop annecdote, Emma used her potty chair yesterday and when she stood up she looked in her potty and said, "a snake mommy!"
