Blessed Wednesday
Josh says I ought to name my blog the poop chronicles instead of Zandolit since most of my updates are about that interesting topic and how it relates to my children. I will not bore you (or gross you out) with more than a small anecdote. Yesterday when I went upstairs to get Emma from her nap I found her naked because she had peed in her pants and then taken them off ofcourse, because they were wet. I put more pants on her but no underwear because those are downstairs. I told her to read quietly in her bed until it was time to get up! After a few minutes I heard her crying "mommy, poop!" I could smell it as I climbed the stairs. I found her again naked, and covered from the waist down. The carpet and potty seat were copiously annointed. She had gone in her pants and then tried unsuccessfully to clean it up. Thank God for grace!
Now for my more serious thoughts. Yesterday we went and visited a woman in our church who broke her leg two months ago and has been house bound ever since. She is an excellent woman and I really like being around her. We had a great visit. I am so thankful for the way the Lord is building relationships for me in my church body. I cannot take credit for it, because I see that he is the one who leads (pushes and pulls) me to meet people and get to know them. As I write that I am thinking of the verse that says " Do not be like the horse or the mule which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you." It's psalm 32:9, I just looked it up. That is what I am like sometimes in regards to building relationships. The Lord has called me to a church, he says invest, give, reach out. But it is so much easier to stay home, pout and feel sorry for myself. I have looked for offense and held grudges and I am sorry. I realize now that I was the one who was wrong. I went into church expecting no one to understand me and everyone to meet my needs. God has been very merciful to me. I'm realizing that if I want to be mature I need to let people know me, I need to get to know them. It is time to grow and change and mature, and afterall isn't that what I want? To be more like Christ, to look for the good in others, to overlook offense humbly and forgive? Yes I want these things. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, what a sad and small place to be! I'm thankful that God doesn't get as annoyed with me as I get with others. It is humbling to see where he has brought me from. I hope that he will help me to be more like Him this year.
My beautiful family
So here are my children on March 4th, Emma's 2nd birthday. You know they're adorable! We took Emma to an indoor playground at the mall which she liked, but the biggest attraction of her two year old exsistence was the escalator. She rode it over and over with her daddy saying "I want fly!" (Notice also Micah's 80's bass player pose in the background, he looks like he belongs in the Police or something- Roxanne!) Anyway I love my family.
I love Tuesday!
Goodmorning friends! It is hard not to feel encouraged when I am sitting alone in the morning enjoying a few minutes to myself. Emma is having "quiet time" on the couch watching Bear in the Big Blue House and Josiah is napping. Josh came home from church on Sunday with a migraine and was home yesterday too, but is feeling better today. He's been trying to drink lemon water because he read in above rubies that it would help make him more alkaline. They also suggested eating millet but he doesn't care about his health THAT much :) I used to eat millet in Haiti all the time but you had to be careful of little rocks in it. I chipped my tooth that way. Anyway, I digress. Last night we had more bed issues and I am thinking of moving Josiah's crib out of the nursery and into our room for now. He never gets to sleep easily because of Emms's craziness and the discipline going on. Last night, after much crying and frustration I had moved him downstairs to the pack and play and then I was picking up the rest of the house. I happened to glance up at the vent into Emma's room and saw that the light was on. I found her naked and emptying her drawers because she wanted a shirt.
Anyway, I intend to go outside today, I love sunshine! My crocus are blooming and my other bulbs are shooting up everywhere. Praise the Lord for Spring!
I would be lying if I did not own that parenting Emma Daby is at times frustrating. My beautiful daughter turned two at the begining of the month and immediately turned up the speed and attitude dials on her little personality. Today I pulled a comb and a kazoo out of the VCR. I've been keeping a list in her baby book of the things I've taken out of the VCR in the past few months, because I am sure that in ten years it will be very funny. She also refuses to stay in her big girl bed. We got it for her in January because my poor son was sleeping in the pack and play. I had him in a cradle which I thought would last him a good long while, unfortuatley for me he grew like godzilla. That was the problem with the pack and play. 20 pounds is alot of weight to lift at that angle so many time a day and my back was bothering me. So we got a bed and put him in the crib. For the first month she would stay right where she was put like a perfect little angel. I would tuck her in, kiss her little halo and walk away knowing she would soon be fast asleep. I even took the gate off the door since she seemed so trust worthy. I should have known it was too good to last. Tonight I went back up to discipline her 7 times. She likes to lie on the floor under the bed with her face at the vent to try and see what is happening down here. She goes to peek at her brother and wakes him up by throwing toys in his bed. Last night Josh found her in our room with the light on putting on my lipstick. She is also obsessed with lipstick and perfume and those little dentle floss wands. She has to touch everything. She wrestles Josiah and bear hugs him and kisses him like she intends to knock him down with her lips. She takes away any toys he wants to play with and gives hime toys and food that he shouldn't have. My poor baby was hapilly eating a pile of crayons she gave him this morning and he was so mad when I took them away. Ofcourse I love her, and ofcourse once she is in bed all of this is entertaining to some degree, but boy am I tired. I guess the Lord is trying to teach me to pray. Give me mercy and self control Lord!
Today was a very nice Saturday. I led our churches ladies Bible study. Our church has been going for almost two years now and Josh and I have been there from the start. It has been a very difficult period of growth for us but for me especially. I'm so thankful now though because I am finally starting to feel at home in our church. It was hard for me because the church we came from was really like a family to me. I lived with the pastor's family for several months, they ministered to me when I came home from Haiti and they saw Josh and I get married. Also I had some friends my age there and in the same situation. Our new church is quite different. The biggest difficulty for me was feeling misunderstood because I was the youngest woman and I was the only one with a baby, and then two babies when Josiah was born. One of the biggest things I've learned is that I need to look at the church and think about what I can offer and not what I can recieve. The Lord showed me that I had a selfish view of church and I needed to learn how to serve others as well as be served. The Bible study is the thing that has helped me the most. I wonder if most people who are unhappy in their churches are people who don't participate and build relationships outside of their Sunday service? I was going to church on Sunday (and spending most of it distracted by my kids) and not going to cell group (because of kids) or anything else. Finally we began this study and Josh said he would watch the kids for me. It is twice a month. This is the second month and I already feel more connected and a part of our church body. I am starting to have relationships with the other ladies and it has completely changed my outlook on the church. I'm so thankful because the point of church is not just worship and a sermon, but to be connected with our brothers and sisters. I'm also thankful because I'm learning so much from these older ladies who have much more experience than I do. Last Sunday I walked into church and I thought, I love these people. What a relief! Thank you Lord for turniing my heart around.
....On a less serious note... I have come to a very surprising conclusion that Mr. Darcy isn't my ideal Jane Austin man, I like Mr. Knightly better. We all know that deep down Mr. Darcy was a good guy, and there was something so alluring in his reservedness, but I love Mr. Knightly's kindness to others and his rational thoughts and actions.
Mornings
I am extremely tired this morning. At two last night Emma called me. When I went in she said she needed to blow her nose. My poor girl was all stuffy and coughing. I got her a drink and a tissue and got back in bed but for the next hour she called me every ten minutes. Finally in an effort to get some sleep I got in bed with her. She was so excited with this new situation that she spent the next hour trying to find a comfortable way to snuggle me while touching my nostrils and eyes. Finally I told her to go to sleep and I went back to my own bed. At 6 she started crying and I ignored her for a few minutes. Josh went to see what was going on when we heard her out of bed and he found that she had pooped her pants and in an effort to clean herself up had gotten it all over the carpet and her legs. After we got the situation under control we all sat down to eat breakfast since we were up early. Josh brought out his guitar and led us in some worship. It was very refreshing. I'm thankful for the way he ministers to me. At first I was annoyed because I wanted to eat breakfast and be in a bad mood. (it's sad but true) He sang this song called Hosanna by Paul Baloche, it says "when we see you we find strength to face the day," so my hope is renewed and I look forward to that strength. I don't like this about myself but something I really struggle with is being unfair to my husband. When he isn't home and I'm thinking about how good God is to me I realize that Josh is his special gift to me. Aside from ofcourse his salvation, Josh has been his most powerful instrument of healing in my life. Through him I have begun to really understand the love of the father. When I think about that I resolve to be so good to him and tell him how wonderful he is, but then when he comes home I am stressed out and I get annoyed at him and then I'm not as good to him as I meant to be. I'm so immature, it is extremly frustrating.
Its Working!
hurray this thing is finally working!! My dear JAckie has helped me to begin this exciting blog experience. Today was not my favorite day of the week. It started out well, Emma and Josiah and I went to Sarah Ovaska's for lunch. Emma was so thrilled to see baby cake (Kate Ovaska). We all had a very nice time together and I am thankful that Sarah is so understanding of Emma's being two, although I'm sure she breathed a sigh of relief when we left. When we got home the kidos went down for their naps and that is my cue to curl up for a quiet time and then chill until they wake up at three. This is where the day went off course. I was feeling very sleepy and slightly hungry so instead of getting my bible right away I got a snack and curled up with Jane Austin's wonderful novel, Emma. I told myself I would only read for 15 minutes, but Mr. Elton's marriage had just been announced and it seemed the Frank Churchill was finally coming to Highbury. Anyway I read and read and then fell asleep until I heard Emma calling me. The problem I now see is that I need that time with the Lord each day. I used to do faithful and long devotions every day out of guilt. I won't say that the Lord didn't bless them, but I had this picture in my head of Jesus waiting for me and feeling rejected if I didn't show. Now I know that I am the one missing out if I don't dicipline myself to come into his presence. UNfortunately my poor family has to suffer through a less patient and cheerful mom and wife also. So tomorrow I will do better. I'm thnkful to the Lord today though for my husband and my kids,they are a treat. and also for girl friends like Jackie and Sarah, you guys make me feel loved.
