Home Again
We arrived home last night from a long weekend in Ogdensburg. Micah graduated and we were so proud. He gave a moving valedictorian speech and received a standing ovation. It was a wonderful moment. He looked like he wasn't sure what to do while the audience clapped and stood. He is a humble young man. We had a wonderful visit with everyone while we were there. The highlight for me was a soak in the jacuzzi tub, don't I wish I had one of those. Also the times when my beloved mother in law said, "Liz, you look tired, why don't you lie down and I'll watch Emma." Emma's highlight was the snakes. My in laws home is surrounded by a stone wall which houses probable hundreds of snakes. Small to medium sized completely harmless snakes, but snakes none the less. Those of you who read about my mayonnaise issues, ditto for snakes. I have completely irrational fears of them. I am however making a large effort not to pass that on to my daughter. So I did take her for walks along the wall to see the snakes. I only freaked out once when a larger one slithered past us on the ground. I managed not to scream, but Josh said my gasp was loud enough and that I squeezed his hand extremely tight. Emma's other favorite things were the frog pond, playing with cousins and eating Elna's toothpaste. It was so good she kept going back to it. Josiah was a darling and everyone loved him. We also got to see Jackie and the girls at church which was wonderful. I love her. Now we are home, I am doing the laundry and unpacking and getting ready for Dad and Marcia to come on Friday. Summer is such a busy time.
Captivating; What Eve Alone Can Tell
"Woman is the crown of creation- the most intricate, dazzling creature on earth. She has a crucial role to play, a destiny of her own. And she too bears the image of God, but in a way that only the feminine can speak. What can we learn from her? God wanted to reveal something about himself, so he gave us Eve. When you are with a woman, ask yourself, what is she telling me about God? It will open up wonders for you."This chapter was so awesome. I feel so validated as a person. I never thought before about being made in the image of God. I've buried a lot of my self worth with my old feminist ideas and habits, but that is like throwing the baby out with the bath water. I can still be special, but not be a feminist.
The most amazing thing I realized through this chapter was that God loves beauty. One of the things I love about my friend Tammy is her artistic ability. When you walk into her home or classroom there is a different air altogether. She arranges unique things in such a pleasing way and it makes me want to sigh contentedly and relax. I love that. I never thought about the significance of it though. I realized this week that God made artists because he himself is an artist. He wanted to show a part of himself so he put it in Tammy. Isn't that amazing? Each person reveals a part of God because we are made in his image. There is a part of me that has always felt ashamed of being so tender hearted that I always cry, or ashamed of wanting to be loved. I thought I was so needy and why couldn't I just get myself together and be self-sufficient. I'm so thankful to the Lord, because He has shown me that he made me tender hearted because that is who he is. He is not hard or sarcastic, he is loving and compassionate. The desire for love and to be pursued that God put in each woman is an expression of his own desire to be pursued by us. The Bible is full of his longing for us to seek him and to long for him with all of our hearts in the same way that we long for husbands to love us and pursue us. I'm so amazed. I feel so free from condemnation for who I am. I feel so validated in the way that God has made me. What a relief! Thank you Jesus.
Burn Out
If anyone has found the secret to enjoying toddlerhood because you know it will not last, and not losing your mind at the same time, could you please let me know? I'm at the bottom.
To The Young Ladies
I have not yet had a chance to mention this, but my sister in law Amber has moved in with us for the summer. We are really enjoying having her here. She's been here a week and is working full time already and has been making new friends. I'm thankful to have her here, and I am proud of her for stepping out of her comfort zone. I'm excited to see how the Lord will continue to bless her. She is sharing Josiah's room. Our house is small, but everyone seems to be able to find their own little cubbyhole.
Anyway, Father's Day has got me to thinking about my husband. I don't believe that when I married Josh three and a half years ago I had any idea how wonderful or how right for me he really was. I did love him, and I did appreciate certain things about him, but I didn't know much about who he really was. (those of you who've been married way longer will laugh saying I still don't- that's OK- I look forward to growing together even more) One thing I value very much about Josh is that he is merciful.
In the past year I went through an internal battle to forgive someone who had sinned. It was a huge struggle for me. Unforgiveness has been a stronghold in my life in the past. Josh was so merciful and kind to me through it. He prayed for me. When he talked with me about it he was so rational, yet so gentle. He reminded me of what was right, he showed me that I had no right to judge, but he did it all so gently, and so humbly I felt so loved and not judged. When I did forgive he was proud of me and glad and didn't condemn me for having struggled. That is maturity. That is a real man. Josh shows me everday who Jesus is. Through knowing him I better understand the character of God. That is what you should look for in a husband, that is the most blessed and awesome thing.
Captivating, The Heart of a Woman
A Woman's Journey
Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.-Anais Nin
"I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough
as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is.
I am not enough, and,
I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy."
"Whatever it means to bear God's image, you do so
as a woman. Female. That's how and where you bear his image. Your femine heart has been created with the greatest of all possible dignities- as a reflection of God's own heart."
Stasi Eldredge
These quotes are the highlights of what I learned from the first chapter of this book. It is speaking to deep feelings and hurts in my heart and I felt such a freedom in realizing that God loves me and created me the way that I am. I am so excited to plunge ahead and learn and heal.
Nudist Jumper
On Monday I put Emma and Josiah down for their naps in their respective bedrooms. I sang, I cuddled, I kissed, I put a high gate on Emma's door and I went downstairs for a much needed break. About ten minutes later it occured to me that the giggling I was hearing from upstairs was coming from Josiah's room and it didn't sound like him. When I got upstairs I found Emma and Josiah jumping and laughing in Josiah's crib. After proper discipline I put Emma back in her room but as I reached the bottom of the stairs I heard her on the move again. I found her hanging over the side of the crib trying to get back in. I was frustrated. I had bought the high gate (it comes to the top of her nose) to keep her in her room so that Josiah can sleep and I can have a break. I didn't know what to do. Finally I went downstairs and found some string. I tied one end to the door knob and the other to the stove downstairs. After that I settled down on the couch to relax. By this time Josiah was fast asleep, but Emma continued to cry for about 45 minutes. Finally I thought I'd better go and check on her. She was perfectly fine, she just didn't like that she couldn't get out. Well, TOO BAD! I re-tied the door and went back downstairs. A few minutes later I heard a cry from Josiah followed by gigling. When I got uptairs I saw that I hadn't tied the door tight enough and Emma had escaped again and awakened her brother. I put her back in her room (after discipline) and tied the door tight. About 25 minutes later things were starting to quiet down up there. Josiah resettled and Emma seemed to be calm because I couldn't hear much crying or thumping. I settled onto the couch with a book to enjoy the last 15 minutes of nap time. Two minutes later the phone rang. It was my neighbor. She said to me, "Liz, I was just about to pull out of my driveway and I happened to look up at your house. I wasn't sure if you knew or not, but Emma is standing on the front window sill with top window lowered. She is hanging her arms outside and is completely naked."
Two Things
1) If anyone hasn't yet read the article from Jackie's blog under the title of "so right" please go read it. It was so awesome and so needed in the church today. I am challenged.
2) My friend and I are going to be reading through a book together this summer and discussing it each week. It is called
Captivating, by John and Stasi Eldredge. It is about understanding who we are as women in Christ. I wanted to invite anyone who's interested to read along with us and we could all post our comments on each chapter on Fridays and discuss that way. It looks like it will be a very insightful book, I'm looking forward to growing. If anyone is interested we are reading the first chapter this week. Also there is a companion journal book you can use along with it if you want to. I have it because Tammy loaned it to me, I probably wouldn't have spent the extra money, but if anyone is interested and doesn't want to buy it I can post some of the questions.
Sigh...
Joy graduated today. I was so proud of her and cried copiously. It was the home school organization's ceremony and each of the kids had a short powerpoint presentation and then their parents awarded the diplomas. It was very nice and I was extremely gratified when Joy's senior picture flashed on the screen and the woman sitting beside me gasped and said to her friend, "wow, she's beautiful!" Joy has been so special to me (as have all of the Ebel's) since I moved to Rochester. The took me in and Joy and her siblings were so supportive of me while I was dealing with culture shock and readjusting to the US. Joy was always especially interested in Haiti and my experiences. I'm so proud that she is going into YWAM. She really wants to serve the Lord and is making practical decisions. Anyway, I don't want her to leave and be grown up, but I am thankful for having had her in my life in such a special way for the last four years. Congratulations Joy. Two more weeks and I'll be crying over Micah. I'm so glad my kids are little.
A quiet time
Today Jenessa is watching my kids and I am taking the day off. My kind husband responded to my cry for help and I am thankful. This morning I walked around to various garage sales and the best part was that I hardly spoke. I was free to be in my own silent little world. I think that there are those people in the world who can be social and those who thrive on being social. I am one who can be social. Really I like to be alone and quiet. It is so peaceful.
Wednesday
Things I like about today:
my new bedroom with all of my things and no children's things
chocolate oatmeal chip cookies
nap time
cleaning and rearranging my house
sunshine, but not too hot
laundry on the line
Josh is not going to work on the house this evening
I'm trying a new recipe for dinner with potatoes and feta cheese
pink flowers
pink flip flops (2 for $5 at old navy)
Angelina Ballerina with Emma
Happy children
anticipating a babysitter on Friday
Also it is my Dad's birthday, I believe he is 52 this year. I'm enjoying the very comfortable feeling of sincerely loving and missing him and all of our other parents in fact. I am thankful for all of our parents and I love that they love us and our kids. We are blessed.
I love the Holy Spirit
The thing that is so awesome about the Holy Spirit (GOD) is that he is such a gentleman. And by that I mean that He is gentle. He does not yell, He is not sarcastic, He does not acuse or call names. He whispers, He points to things without saying a word. He puts His arm around your shoulder and quietly asks, "have you thought about this?" He tells you what to do and how to do it. He warns you, He corrects you, but only out of Love. What an amazing character. How could we not trust Him? If we open ourselves up to hear what He has to say we can trust that He will tell us the truth gently out of love. Isn't that reassuring? He has no ulterior motive, no desire to cut you down and hurt your feelings. He just wants you to be the best that God has for you. Best of all He is with you if you believe in Jesus. The Bible says that is is possible to quench Him, grieve Him and rebel against Him. Why would we want to do that when He is so good to us?
" So I say to you live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Galatians 5:16
" Search me God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24
