Rediscovering Me
Last night I finally broke down in tears about the restlessness and discontent that has been in my heart. Josh was so patient and kind as he helped me figure out what was bothering me. I realized that I am coming into a new season in my life. Josiah was one at the end of July, he's all done nursing, he and Emma are starting to enjoy a little friendship, Emma wants to do all kinds of things by herself, I don't remember the last time I had to get up in the night to help them, my period is regular, I'm almost back to my old size. I'm starting to be me again. I'm going out of survival/crisis mode and into this is normal life mode. I have normal energy levels again, and amazingly enough I have gone several days in a row without a nap. I don't know when that has happened since college. It's a very strange feeling. This morning I got up at 6 and had a quiet time. I haven't done that since I got married three and a half years ago. As I'm writing this out I am realizing that it might not make sense that I was crying about it. I've really been the pace setter for our family the past three years. All of a sudden I realized that the family was still going at the new baby pace and I was ready to pick it up some. I was getting bored with always watching movies and taking naps in my spare time. (Amazing, I haven't felt bored in at least two years, I'm usually too tired to be bored) I told Josh I wanted to do something fun with him, something more interesting than watching movies. Then came the big realization. We began to make a list of our common interests, aside from the children, to decide what we could do to spend time together. We came up with two things. I was shocked, and scared for a minute. So much for my declaring to Tammy back in college days that I should surely marry Josh because we're like the same person! Do you know what I was thankful for at that moment? Two couples we know very well. Both have been married over twenty five years, both have happy and successful marriages. As I thought about them though I could see that in both situations they are different people, with different interests but common values, making life work together. I felt that it was OK that I wasn't interested in congas and reggae. I like to read and sew. I like athletic pursuits and Josh likes to make CD's. That's OK. I am thankful though that we have decided to spend some time pursuing our two common interests together. I don't want to be one of those couples who have nothing to talk about except the children. I hope that Josh will always be my best friend. At any rate, I am feeling much more peacful now that I know what was wrong and we can work on it together. I'm also excited to feel alert and ready to enjoy life.
posted by Liz @ 11:21 AM
2 Comments:
Wow, I wouldn't think that you two had so little in common. LOL Glad to hear that you worked things out in your head though. ;)
I remember when I was trying to figure out whether or not I felt like I should marry Daniel. I asked my mom how she knew Dad was right for her. And she told me that people change; that she and Dad are so different from the people they were when they first met; and that you want someone who is committed to the Lord and His Word, because then you'll always be "in common." What you wrote about values above interests is so true and so right. I've no doubt that you and Josh share a deep love for Christ and His Church above all else--and that is what the bond of love and unity is really all about!
I understand that feeling of suddenly being bored, too. I've only been nursing and/or pregnant with no breaks since spring 2002, but I've found that with each baby when they get to be 8-10 months old I start to get restless. Maybe the craziness of adjusting to the "new" family is wearing off by then, and I can actually come up for air long enough to realize that there is more to be had than what I'm living? I don't know... At any rate, I always find that they key for fulfillment is, yes, doing some fun and enjoyable things with my husband. I also find that it's good for me to find extra ministry/service venues. So on Sunday I signed up to help with Friday School (you may be familiar from Jackie talking about it), and I'm also going to make a more concerted effort to carve out an afternoon/week to spend with college girls. Jackson is finally routine enough to leave for 3-4 hours in the afternoon without me worrying that he'll wake up and scream until I return home to nurse him. :) It's a good feeling, but it can leave me a bit like a fish out of water--I don't know how to respond to not having the pressures of a new baby!
OK... This is way too long to be a comment, and really all I was trying to say is that I understand what you're talking about!
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